Win This Year

Prescription Drug Misuse, Addiction, and Recovery - Bobby Cording

October 15, 2019 notMYkid Season 1 Episode 6
Win This Year
Prescription Drug Misuse, Addiction, and Recovery - Bobby Cording
Chapters
Win This Year
Prescription Drug Misuse, Addiction, and Recovery - Bobby Cording
Oct 15, 2019 Season 1 Episode 6
notMYkid

After growing up in a loving, happy home, Bobby Cording still felt alone and disconnected.  Thinking he had found the answer he was looking for in opioid painkillers, Bobby began a journey that would find him addicted, struggling with school, losing relationships, and facing a major prison sentence.  Find out how Bobby turned his life around, what he does differently today, and what his suggestions are for parents wanting to keep their kids drug free.  

Contact information, resources and links mentioned in this episode:

Taylor Popp's Full Episode:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/582967/episodes/1724011-recovery-month-taylor-popp-s-journey-of-addiction-and-recovery-teen-drug-prevention

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-8255

Crisis Text Line: Text "Listen" to 741741

Teen Lifeline: (800) 248-8336

SAMHSA Behavioral Health Treatment Locator: https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/

notMYkid Website: https://notmykid.org/

notMYkid Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notMYkid/

notMYkid Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notmykiddotorg/

notMYkid Twitter: https://twitter.com/notmykidtweets

notMYkid YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/notMYkidVids

Win This Year show email: WinThisYear@notmykid.org

Sponsor website: https://www.firstcheckfamily.com/
(Use code WINTHISYEAR to save on your order.)

Show Notes Transcript

After growing up in a loving, happy home, Bobby Cording still felt alone and disconnected.  Thinking he had found the answer he was looking for in opioid painkillers, Bobby began a journey that would find him addicted, struggling with school, losing relationships, and facing a major prison sentence.  Find out how Bobby turned his life around, what he does differently today, and what his suggestions are for parents wanting to keep their kids drug free.  

Contact information, resources and links mentioned in this episode:

Taylor Popp's Full Episode:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/582967/episodes/1724011-recovery-month-taylor-popp-s-journey-of-addiction-and-recovery-teen-drug-prevention

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-8255

Crisis Text Line: Text "Listen" to 741741

Teen Lifeline: (800) 248-8336

SAMHSA Behavioral Health Treatment Locator: https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/

notMYkid Website: https://notmykid.org/

notMYkid Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notMYkid/

notMYkid Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notmykiddotorg/

notMYkid Twitter: https://twitter.com/notmykidtweets

notMYkid YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/notMYkidVids

Win This Year show email: WinThisYear@notmykid.org

Sponsor website: https://www.firstcheckfamily.com/
(Use code WINTHISYEAR to save on your order.)

Speaker 1:

I looked at my lawyer and he told me, he say , go give your mom and dad a hug. You know, like you're , you're going away for at least a year, at least a year it's happening. And that was the first time I cried sobriety. I hugged my mom. She said, I'm proud of you, Bobby cordings life was derailed by prescription drug misuse. Now in recovery, he uses that experience to help others. He's our guest on this episode of win this

Speaker 2:

Drugs and alcohol bullying and healthy relationships, depression, internet safety, substance use, body image, self-injury suicide, anxiety, social media kids, creatine parenting, middle school, high school, adolescent team coping skills, care, relationship strategies, life skills , prevention solutions, Nope , hope leadership, insight, information inspiration.

Speaker 1:

You're listening to win this year. The official podcast of not my kid, a prevention nonprofit focused on inspiring positive life choices by helping kids, parents, families, and those who work with you . Informative. Interesting, inspiring win this year. Welcome to win this year. I'm Shane Watson public information officer and prevention specialist for not my kid today. We have a very powerful episode about addiction and recovery featuring our guest Bobby courting . But first we'd like to thank our sponsor. When this year is brought to you by first check first check home drug tests help you protect loved ones from the risks of drug abuse. First check is the number one pharmacist recommended brand. It detects up to 14 illicit and prescription drugs and provides over 99% accurate, easy to read results in just five minutes, all in the privacy of your home. Go to first check family.com and use code win this year to save on your order. Joining us now on win this year is cohost Taylor pop. If you listen to episode two of when this year you are very familiar with Taylor and his story. However, if you haven't heard the story, we will include the link to Taylor's episode down in the show notes. But for now, Taylor, if you'd be willing to introduce yourself to those who have not heard your story yet. Yeah. Thanks Shane. So my name is Taylor pop, like Shane said, and I'm from 11 to 21 years old. I struggled with severe substance abuse and alcohol abuse. And , um , today I'm living in recovery where I at four years sober and I travel across Arizona to speak to the youth to try to help them, you know, not go down the path that I did. So I'm a prevention specialist here at not my kid. And I've been doing it for about two years now and an independent hip hop artists . We can't leave that out either. Our guest today is Bobby cording . Bobby cording is the clinical outreach manager for Canyon Vista recovery center. His passion in life is helping individuals struggling with addiction, find a life of purpose and happiness and reach their dreams. Bobby, thank you so much for being here on win this year. Thanks for having me when I hear your story and you sent me an email, pretty extensive version of your story. When I read that instantly reminded me both of my own story. And Taylor's story in that your story starts out with a really happy home life, a healthy family structure, all those things, a really optimistic outlook. What were your early years like ?

Speaker 3:

So, I mean, first off, grateful to be here with you guys. Uh, it's always good to be in good company and my early years were good. You know, I come from a very loving family, mom and dad, very supportive, like if I can pinpoint one thing. Uh, and I talked to people about this all the time, but my parents were extremely supportive of, of not just myself, but my brother and my sister growing up, you know, which was awesome to have in the household. And what I also think about is the love that they showed us, you know, not that they just specifically showed myself and my siblings, but the love between themselves, you know, and , and creating an environment that was very suitable as a child growing up so early years were , were amazing.

Speaker 1:

And that's something that we emphasize on this show. We've had multiple examples already. Taylor included showing parents that are listening to this or parents that we speak to that come see our prevention presentations, that there isn't this stereotypical model of the type of home that someone has to come through. That ends up going down a path of substance use. We see it every day with amazing people from amazing families. And you talked about not only the love that you were receiving, but the love that you were seeing modeled between your parents as well. So we, as parents, we can do the right things and it still doesn't allow us to detach and say, well, this can never happen to us because we're a healthy family. It does happen to healthy families. You know, it is a behavioral health issue. And so that's why every time thus far, you know, and we're only five episodes in when we've had someone like you, or we've had someone like Taylor, I've really shined a spotlight on the fact that great people from great homes can still face these challenges somewhere down the path.

Speaker 3:

Absolutely. Yeah. So know ,

Speaker 1:

Know when I, when I hear that, cause I , I relate right. My, my beginning of my life , um, I had very supportive family, but what kind of started to change for you? You know, what kind of led you down the path , um, that started messing

Speaker 3:

Your life? Yeah. Uh, so it's kind of hard to pinpoint , uh , you know, there is that moment for me in how my schools were set up. It was weird. I was in four schools , uh , throughout my childhood. Uh , and when I switched over to middle school, which was sixth and seventh grade that's, that was like the first time, you know , uh, transferring schools. And I , and I told you guys about this, but being in a room full of people, you know, and I was active in sports and I had a lot of friends and even in a room with those people, I still felt, you know, and it's one of those feelings that you can't explain to people that have never felt like that. But when you have that feeling of , of being in a room, whether it's the family, whether it's your friends in that , that emptiness that's inside you, you know, and , and I , I filled that with sports for awhile , uh, and as we'll get into some other stuff, but it was just a weird feeling, you know? Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

And that's a parallel also with both of our stories. I believe you even said that in years , I haven't shared my story on when this year yet, but when I do go out and I speak at schools, I talk about right around those same years, right around those middle school years. And that's the, you know, the average age in the United States that kids begin experimenting as 12 years old. There's something that happens during those years where that disconnection starts. What did you start seeking out? And originally you mentioned some pretty healthy coping mechanisms. You were pouring yourself into sports and things like that. When did you switch over from the healthier coping skills into things that weren't so great for you? What was the incident or the moment that started you down that path of drinking or you ?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I mean, I think, I mean, I took my first drink at 14, but I think the moment that switched everything for me was when I found my dad's prescriptions. Um, because like I mentioned, I gambled, so I started gambling eighth grade year was that prior to drugs or alcohol that was prior. So that was one to a football camp with all my football teammates. And we're sitting down in a locker room and somebody busts out some cards and poker chips. And I went down to play Texas Hold'em , uh, and that's, that was constant for the next eight years, but that's kinda how it all started, but I didn't really feel anything from that . I didn't feel anything when I took my first drink. Like it was fun. I could be more social. Uh, but when I, when I took my first bike in that's when it all switched,

Speaker 1:

When you started playing cards, you enjoyed it, but it didn't flip that switch for you. That first drink of alcohol. Didn't flip that switch for you. Correct. And you mentioned that first use of opioid painkillers when, and how did that happen?

Speaker 3:

So my dad had, I believe it was shoulder surgery. Um, and I remember remember, like it was yesterday and part of the genre of the music I was listening to and growing up in Wisconsin, Brett Farr was my favorite, my role model, my everything. And I knew he was addicted to painkillers, you know, and I shouldn't say that at that time, I didn't know he was addicted, but I knew he took them and I didn't know the consequences of them. So my dad had surgery, so he had his prescriptions. I was like, I want to try those. And from the moment that I put it in about 30 minutes later, the thought that I had with him and do this for the rest of my life, as much as I can.

Speaker 1:

What did you feel? What was the feeling if you had to use adjectives to describe, because people who haven't either, and I don't want to say people who haven't used opioids, there's some people that can use them and have not , not have that switch flipped. Like some of us did. And in order to help people who don't share whatever that is, that we have understand that feeling. How would you describe that feeling?

Speaker 3:

So it , it, the best way that I can explain it is imagine being in a system around a subway and all this noise and all this stuff is going on. And 30 minutes later after taking those pills, it all went quiet and I could walk in a room. I could walk into school, had no problems, cause I had no noise. It was tunnel vision. And that's what I was looking. I was looking to escape. I was looking for tunnel vision and I was looking to be numbed. I didn't know what I was trying to be numb from what that I liked that feeling.

Speaker 1:

Would you say it made you comfortable in your own skin? A hundred percent. And that's the feeling of you ? It sounds like you hadn't had up to that point because you mentioned you can be surrounded by a room full of people, a room full of friends and still feel alone. Absolutely. Back to that bred far thing. So you had known at that point, not that he was struggling with misuse, but you had known that he had been taking them, is that correct? Yeah. And I want to highlight that for a moment because I think that's a very common parallel in a lot of people's stories, whether it was you with a sports hero or me looking up to people like Jim Morrison or people like that, whose lives were just off the rails with drugs and alcohol and thinking that's so super cool. That's not what got me started. But when I was in those early stages, looking at like, Oh, the Beatles did a bunch of acid when they recorded Sergeant peppers and Jim Morrison was doing all this stuff and I held them in such high regard that it kind of makes it seem like, you know, that's kind of okay. And that's something, another thing that I'm highlighting for parents to understand is people that we do look up to, whether it's an athlete, whether it's a musician or whether it's a family member. And that's another thing that I've heard with a lot of people with stories of recovery is that there was a family member that either they saw doing it or actually offered it to Moss share that a couple episodes ago that someone gave him a family member, gave him his first drink, tailor anything you'd like to ask.

Speaker 3:

I mean, as far as feeling comfortable, you said you wanted to do that for the rest of your life. Right. And I relate to that , um, that leading into, was that something you saw it every day after that? So like, you know what I mean? Like, did that, did that progress immediately? Or was that something that, that you were like, Oh, I like this, but I don't know how I'm going to go about getting it right. Yeah . A hundred percent. So yeah . How it progressed. So at that time I was playing football, playing basketball, right . Doing track and field. I quit baseball my freshman year to pursue football heavier. And the moment that those pills ran out, I was asking, you know, some people were on school. Can you find this? Can you find this? Can you find this? But the fear of letting my teammates down, my coach has done . And ultimately my family down is what stopped that, you know, in the back of my mind, I knew I loved that feeling, but I wasn't at the point to where I was going to do anything to get it yet. If that makes sense. I used them for about two weeks and obviously I wasn't necessarily physically addicted at that point. Um , I just knew I liked the feeling. Right. And did, did your dad find out that you were taking her? No. So, and there's a whole nother story to that, but I think this be good for parents to know at that age I was already sneaky. And what I did is I S I went to the store right before I took those pills. And I looked at pills that could possibly be as identical to those pills. And I bought two bottles of et cetera . And , uh , one of the circle ones and one of the non circular ones. And I filled up the bike and I filled up the Percocet with et cetera , you know, and they never found out until I told them years later,

Speaker 1:

That's like the kids sneaking the vodka out of the parents' vodka bottle and trying to replace it with water later on the story for that. So how did you know, as much as things accelerated for you? And it sounds like they were , they really started taking off for you was in high school, knowing your story and knowing where things went for you in college. That's where it sounds like it really took off a hundred percent. How did that progression look? What did that look like for you in college?

Speaker 3:

So, I mean, college, it was from the jump , um, high school, like we've discussed, you know, it was drinking here and there. Um, but college, I , I went to college. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I had no idea. Uh, both my parents were in sales, so I was like, I'm going to go get a business management degree. That's what they did. That's what I thought was my destiny. And I knew from the moment I stepped on campus, I was there to party. And I literally had that thought. I moved into a dorm with my best friend in high school. And from the moment we got there, I mean, we had tubs of booze and we got there two weeks early and all we did, we, we party . So it, it started with drinking Adderall. I found Adderall early on, on the campus. Um , you know, a guy came up to me and he said, Hey, I got this drug. It'll help you study. It'll help you focus. It's great. And it actually did the adverse for me. Uh, it helped me drink more. It helped me focus on video games more and it turned me into a recluse. So that's how it started in college. And then obviously escalated pretty quick.

Speaker 1:

Were you continuing with the opioids through college or was it Adderall became your thing at that point? Were you always a poly drug user? Did you have something you would call your drug of choice during those college years?

Speaker 3:

Yeah. So in , in the back of my mind opiates, were it like, that's what I was seeking, but I couldn't find them at the time. So Adderall and drinking filled that void, you know, until I could find opiates and my best friend that I moved into the dorm with him and three other buddies from high school, we got a house sophomore year of college, and eventually he found opiates. He became a drug dealer. Uh, and I mean, I had my supply five feet away. So that's when the switch really turned, you know, not only was he five feet away, but I wasn't paying for them. I was getting them for free. Um, and it , and it really turned things quickly.

Speaker 1:

Were you still going to class at this point? Were you maintaining a GPA?

Speaker 3:

So, and to back up a little bit, my mom was in pharmaceutical sales, so I knew her doctors and in sophomore year he started selling, but sophomore year I went to one of her doctors and I convinced him and it was true at the time I had a torn rotator cuff and I said, Hey, doc, I can't get into my other doctor, but I need these prescriptions. This is before all, you know, everything was documented and you could see. And , uh, I left that day was 60, 30 milligram Oxycontins and 50 per tents, you know? So that day was the day I arrived. And I really felt like, yeah , this is what the rest of my life is going to be

Speaker 1:

A big prescription. Knowing what we know now with the limits, the three to five day limits. I mean, that's just, I mean, that's a very large quantity. Yes. Where you, would you come home for the holidays or were you on a campus near where your family lived, they see you while you were going through these years?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, absolutely. So I remember freshman year I sat, so I failed freshman , sophomore, junior year until I eventually dropped out. But freshman year when I was drinking heavily, which was every single day and take an Adderall, my family came and we went out to lunches about 20 minute drive for them. And I said , guys, like , I think I have anxiety. Like I'm shaky. I'm not my normal self. I'm not sleeping. And I remember my dad looked over to me and he said, Bob, how much are you drinking? You know? And I'm not gonna sit there and tell him, Oh, I'm drinking every single night pop. Right? No , uh , that wasn't the conversation. I said, you know, Dan like a normal, normal college person, but I didn't even relate the two and two that I was in DTS every single morning from alcohol. Yeah . You know, and that's what was going on. So they were aware, but not, not really aware of what was going on until about sophomore year

Speaker 1:

Or layers to this. So the alcohol remained present even while Adderall became the big thing. And then you found the opioids again, was alcohol there all along.

Speaker 3:

So alcohol, once I found opiates, cause what I didn't like about alcohol was the , uh, the next morning, the hangover, you know, and I didn't have that with opiates. So I got everything and more with opiates than I got with alcohol. So alcohol was the substitute, you know, when I couldn't find opiates or confined anything else, the only reason I drank when I took Adderall is cause I can sleep. You know,

Speaker 1:

Did anyone , uh , any of your friend group, anybody on campus? I don't want to say confront you, did anyone speak up about the, you know, the magnitude to which you were drinking and, or were you

Speaker 3:

No. So you got to understand that , that everybody that I moved into that house with, besides one all went to treatment, you know, and the best friend that I'm talking about, he just went to treatment , uh, eight months ago and he's eight months sober. You know, he was in jail for a little bit. I got them up in a place in Wisconsin. Excellent. You know, so, no, I mean, we all had, you know, my one buddy had a keg in the closet. It was party Monday through Sunday, you know? So that was the example. And I didn't feel, I was a part of, you know, nothing looked wrong on the, on the outside. Cause everyone's doing it. Do you feel

Speaker 1:

That environment is what allowed that acceleration to get, to get to that degree? Or do you feel like the person that you were when you went to college, you would have found that regardless?

Speaker 3:

I think I would have found it regardless. Actually. I don't think I know, you know, from, from 15 years old, when I put that first pill in my body, I knew that's what I wanted. You know, I didn't know the consequences and everything else that was going to unfold, but I knew that feeling is what I was searching. Yeah. And so your, your college story, very similar to my college

Speaker 1:

Story, right. I lasted a semester and dropped out. Right. Because , uh, it was, it was party every second of my life in college. But for me, when I was in college, it went downhill very quickly. And it sounds like yours did too pretty much .

Speaker 3:

So what did it look like?

Speaker 1:

How did it come crashing down for you? Like you were saying how your dad was starting to notice some stuff going on. Maybe not fully,

Speaker 3:

But he noticed something was up. And

Speaker 1:

So when did it like really the consequences really start piling on? When did things start going down

Speaker 3:

For you ? Yeah. So, and I didn't mention, I had a girlfriend that I met, I want to say at the end of freshman year. Um, and we, we dated throughout college and that was like the first time that things started going downhill , um, is when she broke up, you know, cause a lot of things happened in that time span. I met at drug dealer cause it was prescription started lasting three to five days. Uh, and I needed to get hope it's elsewhere. And I met this drug dealer and we became best friends. And um, but throughout this time I had a girlfriend and I was in love with her thought I was gonna marry her. And I ended up, I remember telling her, I think it was the end of, I already dropped out of college and I was like one year into drop outs, like 21 years old. And I told her like, Hey, I got a problem. You know, like I'm addicted to opiates. And she knew this, you know, I had many consequences. I was at my sister's wedding and it was a terrible, terrible experience. And that's when like the whole world knew, like she knew my family knew then and things just crumbled just to add to that real quick. Did you think that nobody knew? Yes. Like I thought I was covering it really well. My sister's wedding was like the first big blow up. Like I left her wedding and I was doing cocaine and Percocet off my best friend's hood of his car and I left the wedding, you know? So that's like, and she broke up, I think two weeks.

Speaker 1:

I remember that feeling, you know that nobody knows. Everybody knew since then I've gone back and I've talked to these people and everybody's like, you are not fooling anyone. Yeah . And looking back in hindsight, I can see where I wasn't fooling anyone. But in that moment when you're thinking, is that clouded your ability to see things clearly incorrectly is that clouded. It becomes so easy to delude yourself into thinking like, Oh man, I'm getting by with all of this. What was your last day? Like your last day drinking or using? How, what was that like

Speaker 3:

For you ? I mean, it was horrible. Uh, I got sober once prior , um, and not really sober. I detox for about three weeks, but the last day I was suicidal. I had six Percocet, thirties left. I called my sister. Um, I did those six perks , uh , at her house and I was arrested four days later, but the last day was horrible. You know, I don't really remember it. I drank until I went up to treatment. Um , and it was horrible. You knew? I knew I was hopeless. I knew I needed help. I didn't know what that was gonna look like. And I was scared. I was really scared. What's your sober date? Uh, March 15th, 2012.

Speaker 1:

Awesome. What did you start on March on March of 2012? What did you start doing differently from that on?

Speaker 3:

I asked for help and I received it, you know , uh, I asked for help really that that's one of the biggest things in the in . And I stuck with people that I trusted and really when I got out of my own way and let these other people match my life, my life got exponentially better. You know? It all changed.

Speaker 1:

Were those around you supportive? Did you get a lot of support from the people that had been in your life? Were you able to get everyone back? Are there some people? Cause I know with me going back and making amends, I was lucky. The vast majority were like, Hey, that's awesome. Glad to have you back. But there's that, you know, three to 5%. That's like, that's great. Taylor's over here laughing. You know exactly where this is going. That three to 5%. That's like, Hey, that's amazing. That's great that you changed your life. You burned this bridge badly enough that I don't don't care to see you again. And I have to respect that. Did you lose some people I'd say

Speaker 3:

Yay . In the beginning, I think a couple people were cautious. Uh, but today, and I don't want this to come off any certain way, but everybody that is important to me is in my life today. Do you know? And , and at the time I had 19 felonies, I was looking at six to 10 years in prison. So I did some damage. You know, I did, I did some damage. I , I heard a lot of people and I can tell you all those people are in my life today. You know?

Speaker 1:

And that's, you're very fortunate. I don't need to tell you either one of you knowing what you know about recovery, how many people you've probably met recovery that did not get the family back, did not get the spouse, the kids, the friends, et cetera. You mentioned that number of felonies. Did you end up serving time? What ended up happening as a result of all?

Speaker 3:

No, it was, it was a God shot. Uh, and I don't joke about this. I spent 36 hours in jail and it was the worst, worst, worst experience in my life. And I have no problem saying that. Uh, it was a lot of God and a lot of good people around me, you know? Um, I went back to court four times in my first year of sobriety. The fourth time that I went back that's when was like the pre sentencing. And the judge looked at me and said, we're gonna send it to a six, 10 years. Uh , and I remember that day in that courtroom, I looked back at my dad and he said, Bob, we're going to get you a lawyer at the time I had a public defender. So we're going to get you a lawyer. And we didn't know, you know, like it was, it was scary. I was really scared. And I remember I went back two more times in the last time with a sentencing hearing. And I looked at my lawyer and he told me, he say, go give your mom and dad a hug. You know, like you're , you're going away for at least a year, at least a year it's happening. And that was the first time I cried sobriety. I hugged my mom. She said, I'm proud of you. And we didn't know what was going to happen. But I walked in and the judge said, I see something. I see some at that time I was already working in change to change. And he's like, I'm going to give you a chance. And I got off of three years probation.

Speaker 1:

That's crazy. That's amazing. And I think that change , I don't need, I don't think I know that change is what did it, because judge's here all day long, the phrase I'm sorry. And if they see no change accompanying it , they have no guarantee that you're not going to go right back out and do exactly what you did. That feeling you described in that courtroom. I know that, well, I'm sick to my stomach, hearing someone else's story, because I remember that feeling with my faults and my wife wearing a suit like I'm either going to go home or they're gonna , they're going to take me immediately. And I'm like, am I going to be thrown back in the County system in a suit kind of thing? And the judge pretty much said the same thing I came in here pre prepared to sentence you to time based on what I've heard others say. And I've watched what I've heard you say. I genuinely believe that you're not only contrived , but you've changed. And it's that change that finally made things different for you

Speaker 3:

A hundred percent and to go back a little bit of like what propelled that change and why, because those 36 hours that I spent there. And when I walked out in front of the judge for the first time, orange jumpsuit, shackled, arms and feet, and looked behind me to see my mom, dad, brother, sister, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, that thought that was through my head. It's hot. And I end up here, how did I end up here coming from the family that I came from? And I knew I never wanted to be back there now that wasn't going to guarantee it. But I had that thought like, I never want to be back here. So I'm willing to do whatever. That was a big part of it.

Speaker 1:

For me waking up in Durango, thinking I had lost everything and everyone good in my life and became willing. I said, I will do whatever it takes to not come back here because there is nothing good in a correctional facility. It's not only the bad things that are there. It's all the good things that aren't there. And you know, pain is not the thing that can cause all the change, but it's, it'll light that initial fire, sometimes 36 hours where you're like, I don't ever want to be this person again.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, no, it's horrible. I've been to jail. And it says it's not the place to be

Speaker 1:

Know being in recovery,

Speaker 3:

Being sober today, you know , um,

Speaker 1:

At least in my experience light and everybody can ,

Speaker 3:

I agree . Not just people who are addicts and alcoholics, right. Life is difficult. Life has stresses. Life gets hard. And for me, I have to do a lot of things to be able to cope today. Right. Cause I don't have

Speaker 1:

Of the alcohol or the drug

Speaker 3:

Any more. So what does it look like for you to get through daily life today? Like what do you, what do you use to cope with life? Yeah, absolutely. Um, it looks differently than it did at year one, year, two year three, every year has progressed and it's always looked differently. Um, I mean, meetings are a staple, right? Sponsor people that you can trust staples. And, and what I found and what I was taught early on is service. That is one thing that continues to keep me going in my service is what looks a lot different today than it did year one, year, two, year three. Um, and that's something that I'm big on is , is giving back to the community that I'm in. And that's something that I continually try to do and I don't try it . My wife and I give back a lot, you know, and that really helps keep me centered. I love working with our youth. I love helping and not just our youth in educating them about substance abuse and mental health, but sports, you know, and getting them on a right, right path, big brothers clubs , stuff like that. That's cool. That's awesome.

Speaker 1:

You get back to playing sports at all. I mean, not at the level that you are , you know , headed toward previously, but do you, have you returned that to your life?

Speaker 3:

I did. And then it got taken away again. Uh, I was playing softball, basketball, football. I ended up with two herniated discs need back surgery in that. So that was a wrap .

Speaker 1:

It will change everything to every year , especially as time goes on, you start these things that never would have happened before. Start happening beyond the service, beyond the sports. Are there other little smaller pieces that you try to put in place each day that help you not only cope with life, but you know, to find that happiness, get that dopamine release, enjoy life without having to go back to those things.

Speaker 3:

And that has also changed. Okay. Because there was a long period of time in my early sobriety that I could not be alone. So where I found a lot of solitude is being alone today. Um, I'm around people all day long and I need to take that hour a day to be in peace, to have my thoughts. Um , we have a meditation room at her house and my wife will put on guided meditations and, and help me because I struggle with meditation. So that is one Avenue that I find peace. I also find peace in walking my dog with my thoughts with the universe, with God and in really being connected that way. Um, I love listening to the podcast. That's something that I love. That's what I do. I substitute that a lot of times, instead of the other stuff, that's entered my ears and what I believe in, and this is, this is what I believe in not substitute in this for drugs and alcohol, but finding your purpose. And when you find your purpose and you find your passion that changes everything because I don't need anything to wake up today, you know, and I'm driven by my purpose.

Speaker 1:

That makes a huge difference. You know, my drinking and using wasn't solely caused by the fact that I never found a place that I felt like I fit, but it was, it was influenced by that for sure. I bounced around from place to place prior to ending up here at not my kid. My is in journalism and I did, I did all kinds of things that had nothing to do with each other and finding that full fulfillment and that purpose. I worked at all kinds of great employers. I had wonderful jobs with wonderful companies, but I didn't go home at the end of each day saying, this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. This is why I was created, why I'm on this earth six and a half years ago, I found this organization and it's like, this is it. It took me till really late in the game to do it. But what a difference that makes when, you know, without a doubt, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. What would you, what would be the most important things that you would want? Parents, educators, grandparents, guardians, people that work with kids to take away from your story, what lessons are there to be learned for those that work with kids or have kids of their own,

Speaker 3:

I mean, pay attention, pay attention to your kids. I think, and I'm not a parent yet, so I don't know what that's going to be like. Um, and it's one of those tricky things because my parents gave me everything and they were attentive in my life and they, they cared. We had family dinners Monday through Sunday. We went to church every Sunday. We did outings like they paid attention. Um, so it's one of those tough questions is, is to really get involved in your child's life, you know, as much as they will let, because when we hit those teen years, we want nothing to do with our parents, no matter the life given us, you know? So it's one of those tough questions, but , but pay attention, you know, pay attention to some of the signs. And I think that's what all three of us will be able to do because we've been through it. Right . Um, and you know, parents that haven't been through it, it's , it's a little trickier.

Speaker 1:

Is there anything that you would suggest , um, parents not do when it comes to keeping their kids, you know, free of drugs, free of alcohol or not do if they do discover that there is use going on? Is there anything that you would recommend against either as a preventative tool or when it comes to intervening? Yeah ,

Speaker 3:

I think I'm going to, I'm going to stay on the intervening side just cause I'm not a parent yet. Okay. I'm in the intervening side and I talked to, I've talked to work with thousands of families before. And the hardest part is the difference between love and enabling, you know, what that looks like. And I didn't get sober until the day. My mom kicked me out of the house at 22 years old , 22 years old, hardest thing she's ever done. I'll never forget that night, nine Oh seven at night, first day I ended up smoking crack cocaine. Um, and I didn't get sober for nine months later, but she had to do it. I was sitting there with three meals, a great house, you know, no motivation and motivation to change. There was nothing else to add stuff. Right . You know, and the biggest thing that I see works the best and this isn't guaranteed. And it's a very scary, especially with the drugs that we're dealing with today. But , um, cause we didn't have fentinol as heavy as it is now. We just did not like it is today. Not what it is. Um, and the scariest thing. And every, every mother that I talked to him, father that I talked to is well, Bobby, they , this could be the last time I see them. You know? And that's, that's the competitive, hard part about this is the day, the moment that we decided that we're not going to enable anymore, we can still love, you know, it just looks differently and differently how we love.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. And we can still love and that we can say, you know what? I will take you to treatment. I will support you through that recovery. But what I'm not going to do is allow you to continue to kill yourself. You , you know, you said nine Oh seven, I believe, you know, the exact time that that happened, that says how powerful that is, how deeply that stuck in your mind. I remember the feeling of calling my family from Durango and being like, Hey, I need you guys to bail me out. And they're like, no, it's not going to happen at the advice of a family friend who was a pastor who came and visited me in Durango. He told him, no, don't do not bail him out. Let him sit there. And it broke my heart. And it is probably the best thing that could've happened to me at that point, because it allowed me to sit there long enough and , and hate that place. I was in long enough that it lit that fire to really cause that change. And eventually pastor waltz , Hey there, shout out to pastor Walt from the dream center came and visited me and he sat down with me and I said, my life's over. So my life's done. And he's like, your , your , your life's not done. He said, you need to get your life , your act together, but your life's not done based on what he saw that day. He went home to my family and he said, said, he's a broken man. You can, you can bail him out. Now he's gotten the message which I did. And I think that's such an important message. And as a parent, I understand the difficulty you're talking about in that balance where you're like, you don't want to enable them, but I know the parents that are like, what if I kick them out and this or this or this happens? Well, you're running that same risk by allowing them to stay and funding that habit, providing money, providing food or shelter or things like that. And so it's, there's no easy way to do that, but I think you're absolutely right. There's a difference between love and enabling.

Speaker 3:

Yeah. I want to add to that . I remember my, my moment to , you know what I mean? I wasn't living with my parents anymore cause they were done and I actually broke into their house too. Cause I didn't have any means of contacting anybody to use their computer. And I went on the computer and I reached out to this, this , uh, this person that I knew this, this girl who was a friend of mine for years. Right. And she, this is the one person that would enable me and would always say yes, always no matter what. Right. And I, and I messaged her on Facebook messenger and I was like, Hey, can I come stay with you? And she's like, no, you're too unruly when you drink. And that was like, I started sobbing and my mom knew I was in the house by that moment, you know? And I had to leave, but it was that situation never leaves your head. You know what I mean? Cause you, you realize that you burned everything in your life,

Speaker 1:

Your sign right there. That's like when a dealer refused to sell to me. Yeah . That tells you something that's bad. He took one look at me cause I was off on a week long run and a dealer took a look at me and said, I'm not okay with this that's that tells you something right there. This is someone that doesn't care about anybody, but he could recognize like, I'm going to be, this is the dose. That's going to put this person over the edge. Right. What would your message be Bobby to two young people out there, even though this show is targeted at adults, what would your message be to kids, to preteens and teens that are tempted to drink?

Speaker 3:

Yeah. I mean, I think it's one of those things and when I go speak there's a lot of people that come up to me and my target audience is normally high schools and colleges and they ask that question, well, how do I know? How do I know when I crossed that line? You know? And it's very difficult. I'm very clear that kids are going to do what kids are gonna do. But what I always tell them is look who you surround yourself with. You know, and it's something that my father taught me very early on. He said, Bobby, you are in direct proportion of the people and the places you hang out. And it didn't hit me until I was 24 and got sober. Um, but that's what I tell them is, is a real friends gonna call you on your stuff. A real friend is going , gonna lead you in a direction. So surround yourself around people that are gonna, you know, make your life better. That's that's the biggest thing I can say about that.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes your real friends are going to be the ones I don't want to say sometimes much of the time your real friends are going to be the ones that are going to tell you. No, that's not a good idea. And we talk about that so much. When we talk to kids like in our project, rewind early intervention program to have them fill their phones with the numbers of people who genuinely their, bachelor's , not the people who are going to tell them whatever they want to hear. And as you said, whether it's kids or adults and you share this in your story, Taylor, you said, even in sobriety, you have to be careful with who you surround yourself with because you will become what you surround yourself with .

Speaker 3:

For sure. And I think another thing to add on that is we see all this stuff on social media. You know, I mentioned Brett Fargo . I didn't mention where Brett Farve went. You know, cause I didn't see him 10 years down the road from them and we see all this stuff. And in the beginning it may seem fun because at least for me, it was a lot of fun in the beginning. Right. It was very fun. But we don't necessarily see from the start where that's headed, you know, because just because it starts off one way, doesn't mean that's where you're going to end up. And a lot of people, if you pay attention, whether they're in, you know, on all the people that get followed on Instagram, we see these people in certain genres of music, it never ends. Well, it never does.

Speaker 1:

And , and that's what I wish I could do for so many of the kids that we work with is show them what the future could potentially look like for them. Because when we ask, when we ask him project rewind where there's a slide where we ask the participants, why do people drink or use? And we very frequently we'll get a student in the program that says, because it's fun and I'm not going to lie to them. I'm not gonna say, Oh, it was never fun. I can't, obviously I can't, you know, I can't endorse that. But what I reply is, yeah, it certainly seems like it at the beginning. And I tell them , I'm not going to lie to you. It really seemed like it at the beginning. But what I didn't realize is what it was going to cost me. And you talk about, you know, kids asking, you know, how do you know when you cross that line? One of the scariest things is there's not a mile marker or a signpost . No one can tell you this next line, this next pill, that's, what's going to do it. And I wish so much that I could show that I could just project out for these kids, what that future could look like, the two different paths, because I remember vividly. And I think probably everybody in recovery said, well, I know people get addicted. That's never going to happen to me. I said that out loud, for sure. Anything else that you would like to add? Anything else that we've overlooked or you would like to add?

Speaker 3:

Uh , recovery is fun, you know, and in recovery is this life is to me, it's the best life like, ah , and I'm not sitting here endorsing drugs by any means. Um, and I'm very lucky and grateful to be here today. Uh, but I also truly believe deep down in my soul that I wouldn't have been here if I didn't live the life that I lived, you know? And that , that, that doesn't want me to put a stamp that, you know, go do drugs and your life's going to turn out amazing. Now , you know , I buried a lot of people in the last sub shares. Uh, in some that I'm big on is don't give up on the people that are struggling. You know, we , we touched on the enabling part, but don't give up, don't give up there's people out there that are willing to help. I know you guys do an amazing job here with this organization. Uh , and my, my goal in life is to help. Not only those people that are struggling to get the help that they need, but find their self worth and find their dreams because at 13, 14, 15, six, seven, eight, whatever that dream was, it's still, it's still

Speaker 1:

Alive just cause we were addicted just cause we live and we have to do certain things. It's not mean that that dream isn't alive, you know, and I believe in going after that, Bobby cording , thank you so much for joining us on when this year. Thank you for sharing your time with us. Thanks for having me

Speaker 4:

[inaudible]

Speaker 1:

And as always on when this year we want to give you three resources. If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or you are helping someone who is there is help. There is hope there are resources available. Number one is the suicide prevention lifeline. You can reach them by calling +1 800-273-8255. That spells out 1-800-273-TALK. Teen lifeline can be reached at +1 800-248-8336. That spells out one 802, four eight, teen T E N. And the crisis text line can be reached by texting the word, listen, two seven four one seven four one. If you are going through a difficult experience, I want to encourage you. There is hope things can get better, but it is important to reach out and to ask for help. And for those of you who are noticing someone who is struggling, it is important that we reach out and we help them that we start the conversation and we let them know we care and we will help. Thanks once again to our guest , Bobby courting . If you've enjoyed this episode, if you enjoy win this year, please be sure to subscribe, share, and spread the word. When this year can be found on Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Spotify, and nearly every other mainstream podcast outlet. If you have questions or concerns would like to suggest a guest or topic for a future episode, email us@windthisyearatnotmykid.org . When this year@notmykid.org, as always, all links mentioned in this episode will be in the show notes, along with all the links for not my kids' social media. I'm Shane Watson, public information officer and prevention specialist for not my kid. Thank you again for listening to win this year.

Speaker 4:

[inaudible] .